were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
