i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize