oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
