i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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