Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize