You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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