My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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