About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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