when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
