My nipple is on Facebook.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
no, he came in my armpit
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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