i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
