Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
