worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
