Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
