two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
