Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
