I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
