OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
