where am i from again
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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