I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
