Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you will always have a special place in my vag
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
