it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
zippers are such a cool invention
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
