Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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