I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
