Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
