She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
