I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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