so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
