i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
