I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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