Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
