tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
