Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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