im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
