I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
