This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
