I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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