Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
