I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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