i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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