You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
