The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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