Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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