That's intense
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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