How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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