If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
