I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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