U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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