that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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