Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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