??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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