She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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