i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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