4 words: hood of his car
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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