I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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