I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
