your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Someone signed my nipple.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
