My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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