she woke up with a sticky ear
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
