Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
