omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
