even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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