I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
