He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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