He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
