I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
