I think my vagina is haunted
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
