good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
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