You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize