I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
