I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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