ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
