I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
