Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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