Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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