u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize