I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
