sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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