is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
