So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize