Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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