I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
cat food counts as protein by the way
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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