you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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