it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
