He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
