This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
