I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm passing your future prison.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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