i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have fence marks all over my body
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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