It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
