ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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