you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
