and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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