Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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