I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
