my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
