I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
