woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
