apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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