im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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