You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
