i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm too high and old for this...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
