my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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