I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize