It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My feet surprised me
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