And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
