Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
