I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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