I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
