i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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